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[feistytrader]

Gintaro Suzukaze

call me silver | leave a message

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[manufactured]

[How do you even start on something like this.]

I've been wondering how you're holding up. Since that incident at the end of January.

[feistytrader]

[...He pauses, stuck on his words, and scrambles to find something to say. How is he holding up? Why him? What about-]

How come you're asking me that? You're the one who...

[...You know. Died.]

[manufactured]

I know. That doesn't change or invalidate the question.

[That wasn't an answer, Silver.]

[feistytrader]

...I'm not going to pretend that it isn't still bothering me, but I'll be fine.

[He's in one piece, Wesker's... Sort of in one piece, or at least more in one piece than he was, and there isn't much else he can do about it. He has to press on.]

[manufactured]

[...]

You know you don't have to feel guilty about it, don't you?

[feistytrader]

[That gets him to keep quiet for a moment because he really isn't sure how to answer something like that. Of course he has to feel guilty about it. He can't just decide to stop feeling guilty and throw everything that happened out of the window. He's the one that was supposed to be crushed. Sure, Wesker's put himself together and seems over it now- or at least he can keep himself together in front of him- but that doesn't just... Make it go away.]

That never should have happened to you.

[It's petulant, and Silver has to remind himself that he shouldn't be trying to pull apart his clothes, but it's something, and it's something a lot more honest than a lot of alternatives he could think to say right now.]

[manufactured]

[There's something in the wording that's making him feel prickly about it, but he can let it go for now; whether or not it should have happened isn't exactly the point, is it?]

...Perhaps not. But it isn't your fault that it did.

[feistytrader]

Definitely not.

[Hey now, calm down, slow down a little-]

You have your life together. People respect you. I'm just some shitty retail worker. What if you didn't come back?

[manufactured]

People tend to come back if they're connected to Retrospec, but I do understand your point.

[He shrugs a bit, though.]

If we're going to argue inherent worth like that, it's terrible when an adult dies before the age of forty, but it's tragic when a teenager dies, especially to an accident that would have been otherwise preventable.

[feistytrader]

[...You know, that's not what he meant- although that's exactly what he said- but it gets him to bristle immediately and snap out a retort.]

Until this year, there was maybe one person that would have cared if I died. I bet some people would be relieved. I'm not talking about socially acceptable pity.

[manufactured]

Of course - whereas the number of people before this year that would have missed the shut-in would have been immense, I'm sure.

[Do you want to try that again, shithead, or are we done here.]

[feistytrader]

A shut-in, but a big medical guy shut-in that's off helping the world and taking care of a dozen dogs.

[manufactured]

...I don't know what you think I do at work, but judging from that description it's nowhere near what I actually do.

[feistytrader]

...Don't you make drugs that help people?

[manufactured]

Technically. I do research that results in those drugs being made.

[feistytrader]

You're putting hours into the cure's gofundme. That's close enough.

[manufactured]

[.................]

...What?

[feistytrader]

You're a hundredth of the next miracle drug. Or a thousandth. But you're still part of it.

[...]

But none of that is the point anyway. This isn't a competition.

[manufactured]

Then it will serve you well to stop trying to make it one and actually listen to the point in the first place, won't it.

[feistytrader]

I don't have to feel guilty about it. It was an accident. It was your decision. Is that what you're trying to say?

[Because he looks unconvinced, to say the very least.]

[manufactured]

Do you believe otherwise...?

[feistytrader]

No, I- I understand that. And I'm grateful that you saved me.

[He shifts uncomfortably, not sure where else to take that train of thought. How does he say "unfortunately, feelings" without sounding lame as hell.]

[manufactured]

I never thought you weren't.

[...Like, he doubts the guilt would be a thing, otherwise.]

...I don't blame you for what happened, nor do I resent you for it. That's likely more to-the-point.

[feistytrader]

[...That does give him pause, and there's some relief on his face, but... It's not just guilt that's eating at him.]

I'm-

[Angry? Frustrated? ...No. Neither of those are honest.}

Scared. I'm scared. You weren't awake for it. You just remember fading out, then waking back up, right? You didn't see-

[He didn't see his chest simply... Stop being a chest, he didn't see himself go limp, he was hardly aware at that point, how could he possibly-]

I can't get the image of it out of my head. I always knew that unexpected things can happen to anyone, especially with all of our memories and abilities, but...

[Now it's a thought that refuses to be ignored, to be shoved back or placated with reassurances about how he can handle anything with his friends or Pokémon at his side.]

[manufactured]

[This is... He's not sure if it's better or worse that this is a conversation he's had once before with Jaeger - better because it's not altogether unexpected, worse because this is completely different coming from Silver, and for some reason he's not altogether sure how he feels about it. If he feels anything about it at all, it's just kind of...muted, he doesn't-

...It takes him a moment to settle, to find words, but that's likely not altogether unexpected; Wesker was always a quiet person before all of this happened, after all.]

I'm sorry, then. To have done that to you. Despite what people's memories may imply here, most people don't ever have to watch anyone die like that; it's not something that should have been put on you.

[His tone is odd, but there's a firmness behind it. Don't even start with telling him he doesn't have to apologize, in other words, if your thoughts went there.]

It makes it seem easy, doesn't it? Like something sudden like that can happen at any time. I'm fairly sure that's normal, to be afraid of it for a while after that; eventually it'll fade. Not completely, but enough.