feistytrader | IC INBOX for recolle

Technically. I do research that results in those drugs being made.

You're putting hours into the cure's gofundme. That's close enough.

[.................]

...What?

You're a hundredth of the next miracle drug. Or a thousandth. But you're still part of it.

[...]

But none of that is the point anyway. This isn't a competition.

Then it will serve you well to stop trying to make it one and actually listen to the point in the first place, won't it.

I don't have to feel guilty about it. It was an accident. It was your decision. Is that what you're trying to say?

[Because he looks unconvinced, to say the very least.]

Do you believe otherwise...?

No, I- I understand that. And I'm grateful that you saved me.

[He shifts uncomfortably, not sure where else to take that train of thought. How does he say "unfortunately, feelings" without sounding lame as hell.]

I never thought you weren't.

[...Like, he doubts the guilt would be a thing, otherwise.]

...I don't blame you for what happened, nor do I resent you for it. That's likely more to-the-point.

[...That does give him pause, and there's some relief on his face, but... It's not just guilt that's eating at him.]

I'm-

[Angry? Frustrated? ...No. Neither of those are honest.}

Scared. I'm scared. You weren't awake for it. You just remember fading out, then waking back up, right? You didn't see-

[He didn't see his chest simply... Stop being a chest, he didn't see himself go limp, he was hardly aware at that point, how could he possibly-]

I can't get the image of it out of my head. I always knew that unexpected things can happen to anyone, especially with all of our memories and abilities, but...

[Now it's a thought that refuses to be ignored, to be shoved back or placated with reassurances about how he can handle anything with his friends or Pokémon at his side.]

[This is... He's not sure if it's better or worse that this is a conversation he's had once before with Jaeger - better because it's not altogether unexpected, worse because this is completely different coming from Silver, and for some reason he's not altogether sure how he feels about it. If he feels anything about it at all, it's just kind of...muted, he doesn't-

...It takes him a moment to settle, to find words, but that's likely not altogether unexpected; Wesker was always a quiet person before all of this happened, after all.]

I'm sorry, then. To have done that to you. Despite what people's memories may imply here, most people don't ever have to watch anyone die like that; it's not something that should have been put on you.

[His tone is odd, but there's a firmness behind it. Don't even start with telling him he doesn't have to apologize, in other words, if your thoughts went there.]

It makes it seem easy, doesn't it? Like something sudden like that can happen at any time. I'm fairly sure that's normal, to be afraid of it for a while after that; eventually it'll fade. Not completely, but enough.

I hope it fades.

[That he can just... Get it together, that he can be there for people the way he should be, that he can be half as put together as the him from his memories.]

It wasn't just you. I got back a memory that day.

[He isn't going to get a word in edgewise to tell Wesker he doesn't need to apologize, but he can at least let him know that it wasn't just, well... Him.]

[...Oh, good. Nice to know that everyone got in on the fucking trauma conga line that day, memory-wise; even without the notion that his brain decided that Birkin was there for some goddamn reason, Wesker had gotten something unfortunate back as well, and Silver...well, of goddamn course he did, because why wouldn't he.]

What was it, if you can tell me?

...I don't understand a lot of what was going on, but someone was dying in my arms. No, not just someone. I- that's how I learned I have a dad.

[All of that hardship when he was younger, and he actually managed to find him, just for this? Just for-]

There wasn't even any time to process what was going on. I had to pick up where he left off on fighting some big monster with tentacle arms.

[Some part of him feels like it's wrong to be so resentful of whatever that creature was, but he's well within his rights to feel whatever he damn well pleases. It doesn't functionally make any difference, everyone else is gone as well, so is that entire world, but that doesn't stop him from stiffening up, from clenching his fists and trying to look defiant at... His own feelings. Sure. That seems good enough.]

...Again, I'm sorry.

[What do you even say to that? He's sure there are words for it somehow, but like hell if he knows what they are.]

I...remembered dying in my past life, after that happened. The first time. Apparently I came back then as well.

...You didn't have any idea you'd come back, did you?

[It was pretty implied, given the entire situation, but it's not something he ever confirmed the first time.]

[That...actually gets him to go quiet for a moment.]

No. I received a somewhat obtuse letter that had been written by one of my coworkers, but it looked like particularly odd research notes - it wasn't something that I had any context for until after the fact.

Aren't you scared?

[...That... Isn't quite what he wanted to ask, but it's hardly something that he can take back, and he shifts around instead. How the hell do you just deal with something like that? ...Do you deal with something like that?]

Of course I am.

[In contrast to that not being what Silver wanted to ask, that does seem to be the answer Wesker wanted to give; it's prompt but not thoughtless, something that's been on his mind for a while.]

Generally speaking, I'm fine because I have to be; it isn't as though I have many other options. I don't tend to broadcast my personal thoughts on the matter.

IC INBOX for recolle

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