feistytrader | IC INBOX for recolle

[...Oh. Oh damn.]

at least youre still here right?
do you remember why
are you sure you dont want some company

[Usually Silver's pretty meticulous about his typing, but who the fuck cares right now.]

[Same, but also, same. Spelling is not the most important thing in the world.]

It was definitely on purpose, there was a woman I was drowning myself with, but I don't know why exactly and it's ridiculous at night silver you don't have to come out here

im coming over
theres a 24hr place that does smoothies and ice cream what do you want

[This isn't negotiable anymore, apparently.]

you're going to come over no matter what I say huh strawberry

bingo
should i knock or text you

text my roommate's asleep I'll come out instead

alright

im here

[The time it takes Silver to get there- including a trip to the smoothie place- is fast enough to say one of the following:

-He took an uber (unlikely)
-He flew (slightly more likely, but no)
-He absolutely booked it with hardcore parkour and probably bolted through at least three residences' private property (the likely option)

Either way, he's out of breath and holding three smoothies when he sends the last text. Next to him is a damn Totodile, because his life has gotten pretty weird this week.]

[When Shuji comes out of his dorm building, he's already prepared to lecture Silver.]

You didn't have to-

[...that sure is a blue alligator thing.]

-hi there.

[Also, Shuji looks absolutely terrible and like he'd been crying for a while, but that's probably not a surprise.]

[He opens his mouth to protest, but. Right, his little blue friend.]

This is Aoi.

[Who has been a bro and gets his smoothie now. Have you ever seen a weird blue alligator sucking down on a smoothie? No? You get to now.]

Look, I didn't have to come, but... Friends look out for each other, right?

[That... Might be one of the first times Silver's ever sounded this emotionally sincere. He holds out a smoothie.]

I wanted to come. You look like you've been having a rough time.

[Shuji accepts the smoothie and takes a sip, putting his thoughts somewhat together before he answers.]

...it's not me. I didn't die, I'm still here. So I feel like it shouldn't get to me this much.

But I can't stop thinking about it.

[He's never wanted to die. Never seriously.]

No, it's not you. You're still here.

[And that's good. That's not to be understated.]

But that doesn't stop those memories from feeling like they're really happening. It's not just something you sit back and watch. You get every thought and sensation first hand.

[That's what makes it terrifying. That's what makes it so hard to ignore. He takes a sip of his smoothie; Totodile doesn't react much, but looks at both of them intently.]

...I think it probably wouldn't have been as bad if it wasn't on purpose. Obviously the drowning still would have hurt, it would have been terrifying, but...

[Knowing that he did that to himself intentionally makes it worse, somehow. Shuji can't pin down why.]

...You want to live, right? It sounds pretty rough to have to wrap your head around something like that.

[There's the possibility that he's assuming incorrectly here, but it's something to throw out anyway.]

I want to live. I've never, ever actually wanted to die.

[So being in that mindset for the first time is - awful. How do people cope with that?]

[Silver... Isn't sure how to respond to that, really. It takes him a moment to respond, and it's not before he starts crushing the cup his smoothie's in, but-]

Why the hell do we have to remember this shit? It's bad enough that the colors and horses are gone, or that our hair or eyes can just change, but I don't want to get a first person view into some stranger's head like that.

[The memories themselves are a mixed bag, but the thoughts and feelings that come with them? Fuck that.]

Right. I've got enough feelings in my own head, I don't need somebody else's dumped in there too.

[If there's anything Shuji has enough of on his own, it's feelings.]

IC INBOX for recolle

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