[But he doesn't want to... no, that's a lie; he's been plenty selfish with Akira, especially lately, but about things like this? It's been a while since he had a memory that upset him in some way (and really, shouldn't he be used to it by now? shouldn't he just be able to acknowledge it and move on?) but...
Goro ducks his head, a small smile fluttering to the surface when Belle leans up and crackles a purr against him as she scent marks, and kisses the crown of her head.]
... I know you're right. Should I... wait until he's rested? Or should I go and tell him anyway? I'll do it tomorrow if you think so. It just-- it feels like this suffocating mass in my chest, you know?
[Painful and hard and choking. The memories, the realization that while he loves Akira with every fiber of his being he doesn't trust him completely... They're both hurting him, even if he knew somehow, in a way, that that was the truth of their relationship. The want to be happy without the commitment of trying times. Disgusting.]
I really am no better than my other self in this aspect. Not letting others close is the whole reason he turned out so lonely, and... I only allow people halfway, too.
[Like they'll see the ugly sides of him -- this life's and that life's -- and turn away. He'd mentioned that before too, that he had the fear he'd say or do something and cause a fall in his relationships, and every part of him wants to ask Silver to forget about this, forget he found him and talked to him and drank hot cocoa with him, but Goro sits still and sips the warm liquid. Of all people, Silver understands him startlingly well, just like Sena.]
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Goro ducks his head, a small smile fluttering to the surface when Belle leans up and crackles a purr against him as she scent marks, and kisses the crown of her head.]
... I know you're right. Should I... wait until he's rested? Or should I go and tell him anyway? I'll do it tomorrow if you think so. It just-- it feels like this suffocating mass in my chest, you know?
[Painful and hard and choking. The memories, the realization that while he loves Akira with every fiber of his being he doesn't trust him completely... They're both hurting him, even if he knew somehow, in a way, that that was the truth of their relationship. The want to be happy without the commitment of trying times. Disgusting.]
I really am no better than my other self in this aspect. Not letting others close is the whole reason he turned out so lonely, and... I only allow people halfway, too.
[Like they'll see the ugly sides of him -- this life's and that life's -- and turn away. He'd mentioned that before too, that he had the fear he'd say or do something and cause a fall in his relationships, and every part of him wants to ask Silver to forget about this, forget he found him and talked to him and drank hot cocoa with him, but Goro sits still and sips the warm liquid. Of all people, Silver understands him startlingly well, just like Sena.]